There's quite a lot to be depressed about these days. Privately, I feel like my life and the life of everyone I know has gone to shambles. Publicly, I feel like the entire world is well past the point of no return. And I just feel like there's nothing we can do to stop it.

I feel like the world has just gotten too complicated to sort out. We've gotten too entrenched with the way things are to ever go back, even though it's glaringly obvious that the system is not working.

I can't be the only one to realize that no matter who wins the election, no matter what economic stimulus plan you've got, no matter how many banks you bail out, no matter how many jobs you create, nothing will change. Nothing will be fixed.

Because it's the system that isn't working.

It's the capitalist system, the system that allows people to live in abject poverty while a few lucky bitches feast in glory, that isn't working.

It's the two party system, the system that creates such divisiveness, a "we're right, you're wrong" mentality, the system that keeps things the way they are because they give you the option of benefitting the rich or benefitting the rich slightly less," that isn't working.

It's our education system, the system that imposes the same standards on everyone, regardless of interest and abilities, the system that teaches false history so we cannot learn from our mistakes, the system that still to this day teaches kids that Christopher Columbus was a hero, the system with a huge drop-out rate, the system that keeps getting funding cut, the system that makes it next to impossible for so, so many people to go to college, that isn't working.

It's our religious system, the system that demands blind faith even when denouncing the facts, the system that keeps antiquated and obsolete methods of existence in place because a few men in ancient times said so, the system that terrorizes people into complacency and obedience...


Etc.


I know I'm not the only person that sees this is the case. Obama won't fix anything. He'll put a band-aid on the severed limb W. cut off of America (and the world.) Because that is all that can be done unless you completely (and I mean completely) overhaul and redo the system.

We need a revolution, and we need it now. Unfortunately, not enough people care. I definitely think the economic crisis is riling people up, the election is making people stand up and take notice, and that is a good thing. But it is very sad for me to see that during the Iraq war, when thousands of people were dying, nobody DID anything. When climate change became a huge issue, nobody DID anything. When W. took away so many of our liberties and rights and fucked over the constitution, nobody DID anything. It's only when people's money gets fucked with that anyone cares. And that is exactly what I'm talking about! The fucking capitalist system! PEOPLE ONLY CARE ABOUT MONEY! If the economy gets "fixed," do you really think people will continue to pay attention to what goes on in the government? No! People will lay back down, start watching reality shows and eating fast food again, and let the government fuck them over yet again.

Now, I definitely think I will leave this country after I finish school, but I know that you're not going to find any government that promotes good and is completely uncorrupt. That doesn't exist anywhere. There are slightly better countries to be a citizen of.

But, I used to say I was ashamed to be an American.

Now all I can say is that I'm ashamed to be human.

IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO SAVE YOUR BABY!

These services are supported in part with Title X funds from the United States Department of Health and Human Services.

I got harassed by pro-lifers today.

Who knew putting stickers on brochures about puberty could be so offensive? Apparently, I am a sinner, but help it right down the street at the pregnancy crisis center.

If it wouldn't put my volunteer position in jeopardy, I would've punched that ugly suburban housewife in her goddamn face.

And then run after her screaming about her fucking sins as she tried to walk to her job.

Bitch.

this will make me dead.

I haven't been posting because my internet time has been consumed by fashion and porn. 

Go figure.

My two best friends in the whole world have gone from Minneapolis. One remains and will need as much support as I can give her. Which will be enough I hope. I was in her position a  year ago exactly and now that she is there I want to be the best friend I can to her.

The first few weeks of school so far.... interesting to say the least. One more illegal substance to add to the roster and a few nights spent sleeping only a few hours.

My school work load has been small but will steadily increase and as soon as I get my fucking book from the fucking assholes who can't order books or something I will have to do some catch up. I did my first project for my production class and screen writing is as hard as it may seem. I am not sure how well this class will treat me, but for the most part I have been keeping up.

I suck at sewing and will hopefully only get better.  My instructer=sewing with Nancy. To the muthafuckin tee and I love every minute of it. 

I continue to love walking to school even if half the time I am late and rushing in a tissy and don't notice anything that is around me. The days I get up and run are the best and until my foot gets better which is like monday I won't be doing any of that. 

I don't feel any older or more responsible since I turned 21 if anything less so. My apartment has been messy since about that time and now I don't even care. Come over and step over my possessions, thats the way I like it. When I can't find a fork I wash one and when there are no clean towels I just use the one closest to the top of the pile. 

I did get  a new pair of sweet shoes the other day and will forever love them and think that I look kinda weird in them. Too many colors.

I miss Ally and Chelsea more than anything I have ever missed but I am not sad like I have been before. I am glad to see them grow and move on. Going to TML tonight without either of them within driving range or potential hang out range will be very sad. I went there with them the first time ever on a saturday night. 

Now who knows. I want to dance. 

with boys. 

I want to dance with cute boys 

and I don't care who is watching.

London So Far.

So I've been in London since Wednesday.

Brief highlights since I only have 6 minutes left at this internet cafe...

Got really lost on my first day.
Everything is fucking expensive here. Spent about 500 dollars already. Fuck.
Met up with Alex my first day. Been hanging out with him every day since. He's really really great.
Spent the first night in Camden, at the pubs. Slept in a park.
It's really cold here. Like the weather we get back home in October.
Went to the Tate Modern yesterday and went down by the Thames. Beautiful. Huge room of soviet propaganda posters at the Tate, I about died.
Riding the tube and the trains everywhere. Haha.

Wednesday I'm going up to Malvern to stay with Alex for a while, and then on to Manchester to stay with my friend Angela for a few days, then the Wednesday after that, down to Dover to catch a ferry to Calais.

Miss you all. Love you all.

Interplanetary Revolution

I was going to write a blog about how I've recently rediscovered my obsession with Russia since I started studying the language again. I'm reading a history of the country, watched half of Dr. Zhivago today (my favorite movie EVER, but it is next to impossible to watch the whole thing in one go), and then I decided to watch some Soviet propaganda films on youtube.

Which is where I found this, and now my mind is just way too blown to write any sort of decent blog.

Just watch. I can only describe it as INSANE and GENIUS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSE14cMsDtY

After that

I had to post something that was slightly less sad and depressing. The world is the very root of my sadness. There is so much bad energy. I am going to go to the beach today and try to enjoy some sun and "fresh" air. The summer is quickly leaving us as are some great times and people. I want to get in as much of it as possible. 

I also went to Chicago this week and had a blast. There will be some pictures of some new clothes. Not a ton but I was really happy with my haul. I was very intrigued by the fact that I saw in comparison to Minneapolis very few "fashionable" people. Most days of the week I walk out my door and if I go in the right direction, which I usually do, I see people with great style. I see people walking down the street and I want to dress like them or want an article of clothing that is similar. Not so much in Chicago. All around its a great city and hopefully will be seeing much more of it in the future.

None of these items were bought in Chicago, BUT look at the great butterfly band a acquired from a coworker. Just a bit of fun, its like a myspace reunion tour.

In response

The post made previously by Chelsea about the conflict occurring between Russia and Georgia. It is a position the U.S. has found it self in once again because our fearless leaders have decided it necessary to side with our priorities. Mostly resources dealing with oil and the war in Iraq. Seeing as we are already involved in that the U.S. would heed a warning to not get involved other than encouraging both nations to hold peace talks and discontinue Russia's occupation of Georgia. Our nation cannot afford to be enemies with any one especially when our relationships with others have become tumultuous. I would think it more of concern to our Great Nation weather our students can finish their mandatory education or weather the citizens can afford health care. I know this is a far removed subject from the dealings with Russia and Georgia, but it just exemplifies the fact that we have a very skewed idea as a nation as to what is important and who is important. Yes the people of the areas being attacked are in need and as a world we should be worried about them, but we need to reanalyze what we are stating with the commitment to Georgia. 

I find it interesting as I read more about this situation, the more information I get and the better understanding I get. The more confused I seem to be in my position. I just popped onto guardian.co.uk and read that Georgia had signed a cease fire. Which is great and now Russia has to evacuate troops. I'm glad of this, but now there is the mess of dealing with the trampled feat caused by the invasion and now by the U.S. standing with Georgia. Now the country of Georgia stating that they are angry that assistance wasn't given much earlier when NATO denied Georgia membership. They are angry, Russias pissed, all of the citizens living in Ossetia are homeless and hungry. Who do you side with in a situation like this. Was it the right decision to step in and force the two countries to stop fighting(Hippocratic). A big jumbled messssss.

Elbow - Independent Woman.

So my sister just texted me, asking me who was the British guy who did a cover of Destiny's Child's "Independent Woman." Apparently I made a mix CD circa 9th grade with this song on there. After 10 seconds of completely not knowing what the fuck she was talking about, the song immediately came back to me, but I still had zero idea of who sang it. My hunch was The Cooper Temple Clause, (I listened to them a lot back in the day, when the mix in question was made. Who Needs Enemies is still one of my favorite songs), so I googled them, but no dice.

BUT. Another link led me to Elbow. And I got to listen to this song again. AND IT IS GREAT. So I thought I would share.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMUTiASn2B8

On The Fighting In South Ossetia

So, I haven't exactly been the best at keeping up to date with current events lately. When I was in high school, I made sure I knew what was going on, reading/watching a variety of sources. And I cared, and I protested and volunteered and wrote letters and op-eds and voted with my wallet, and all that good stuff.

And then I graduated from high school and entered this state of complete disinterest and apathy about the world I live in. I guess I've become a lot more cynical and pessimistic in the past few years, to the point where I feel like nothing I, or anyone, can do will make a difference. I know how that sounds, and believe me, I feel bad about it. I still try to do a little bit here and there, and I probably do more than the average (American) citizen, but I still think that my 16 year old self would kick my 20 year old ass for thinking this way.

Which is why I feel so incredibly guilty when people ask me my opinion on the Georgian-Russian conflict in South Ossetia. I'm a Russian major and plan on being a Russian translator, for fucks sake, I should really know more about the situation. Meeting new people this month, when they find out what I'm going to go to school for, one of the first follow up questions is what I think about the conflict. I admit, the first time someone asked me, I had zero idea what they were talking about. I had no clue where South Ossetia was (luckily I at least guessed right, that it was part of the former Soviet Union.)

But I had read nothing about it. I don't watch TV, I don't get the newspaper, and I don't live with my incredibly intelligent, informed, politically active, and awesome father anymore, so I suppose these sources aren't really available to me. But, I have the internet. I can check any website I want to find out whatever I want, and I don't ever take advantage of it. But today, I decided to read up on it.

Now, I've only read a few articles on the BBC website. I realize that everything has a bias, and I realize that I really need to look at several more sources before I can even begin to form a concrete opinion. Add to that the fact that the US, Russia, Georgia, and S. Ossetia are all saying opposing things, so it's pretty confusing, and I'm not 100% sure what is going on.

But I do know this. The citizens of South Ossetia are the ones suffering, no? Georgia was the one that launched an attack on them. The majority of South Ossetians are Russian citizens, and support Russia/Russia supports their separatist movement. The US says we want to send humanitarian efforts, etc...

So why the fuck are we supporting Georgia? If they just fucking let South Ossetia secede, like they wanted, this whole thing wouldn't have been an issue.

Oh yeah. Georgia has troops in Iraq. Makes sense why we're supporting them now. But really, Russia is a pretty powerful country all said, why do we want to alienate them? Especially now that the US is quickly falling from the top spot, we're going to need all the help we can get from as many nations as possible if we're not going to completely end up in tatters.

I don't know. Just frustrated. With the US government. With myself for not knowing enough about this or any other thing in the world.

I could be completely misinformed, by the way, so don't quote me on any of this. This is just what I thought of after reading a couple of articles.

I really don't understand why people are surprised when they find out I am as young as I am, or why I don't get carded, or why when I do, my fake ID works.

I think I look 19-2oish, but I have the emotional fucking maturity of a twelve year old and the interests of a six year old.

Sometimes I just feel so pathetic.

Kick.

I think I am the only person in Minneapolis not heading down to Chicago this month. Ten people I know have already gone (well, Wes and Rachel are on their way) and a couple others will be going later this month.

It's kind of chilly outside lately, no? Summer is on its way out. Which is terrifying. The feeling of anticipation and dread you get in late summer is one of the worst feelings in the world. This time, it's a little bit different though, because instead of dreading the beginning of a new school year, I'm anticipating leaving for Europe. But also dreading it. I have this feeling that I will last two days before huddling in an alleyway in London, penniless and cold and crying.

Probably not, but that's the fear.

This is absolutely the direction that fashion is headed. At least for fall. Check out fashion-ation.net, there is a great post about fashion reflecting society and the woes of pollution and a world in need of help. When we feel so down and every day is a bit more macabre, we tend to dress the part. When bright colors and patterns aren't going to lift your spirits any more its only appropriate to make your clothes an extension of your emotional state. Morose, yes. But, beautiful. Its like Victorian house participants ran into some vampires and created amazingness in the time of a lackluster world.

On another note. Chicago, tonight, tomorrow and the next day. SHOPPING! What to buy says me.

Coworkers, Britt's Pub, and the Market BBQ not a bad combo after all.

My stomach could have done without the jalapenos.

GOOD Birthday.

Gin and Tonic

Mimosa 

Mexican Three Way

Confusing few days after.

Still confused and don't know what to do or to say or to whom. 

I have questions I want to ask about four people and they are all male counterparts. 

Most of them consisting of  topic matter related to what i am to do in the next few weeks/months.

Considering, reconsidering and finally probably doing nothing about anything and continue living.

I tend to find myself in compromising situations. and always have. I usually do the questionable thing. 

In my current case no one is/was conflicting directly with anyone else. I think it odd the reaction that my actions receive from people who seemingly care not if I exist. 

People walking away and not wanting to talk about certain subjects.

Bitchy e-mails

oh so many options.

It may all just melt away which usually happens

for most things

its a good thing i have a valid id

just considering the fact that i have maybe three overdo parking tickets makes me cringe a bit seeing as that would be a tick over $100 to pay off. Not only that I don't think I could get my license renewed in the state of Minnesota. So my long and grueling trip to the DMV to get a MN state issued ID has been thwarted for yet another long while. Until I can successfully pay my overdo parking tickets. What a fucking game. I should maybe have not gotten my car towed and parked illegally to begin with and wouldn't have these problems. Quite irritating non-the-less. I'm fucking hungry. I'm going to take the bus to the Wedge where I seem to have been like every other day this week and I'm not to upset by it. 

OOO I got my sewing machine delivered today. I'm set to fucking go. I'm so excited to sew like a crazy sonofabitch. I have a few things set up ready to do and then I just have to go and buy some fabric, which A. sucks because I'm kinda broke and going to Chicago B. Is rad cuz than I will have shit to do. What ever, I got it covered. Soon to come seersucker shorts and everything.

Motocicleta!

I don't know what it is about scooter mechanics that make them all the same! They have the same exterior that entails tacky shirts that they've owned since the 80's that are cut off short at the sleeves, straight leg jeans that are rough with oil and destruction and either a handle bar mustache or long, windblown hair. And when it's both I just have to say, "Come on!". My father and I ventured over to this place in Hopkins called Full Power Cycle. I've visited many-a-shops this summer, and have only found that they are all the same roles but different faces. I aspire to open up a less intimidating shop of all women, so that when girls arrive with their silly little schwinn scooters, I can easily take them in instead of writing them off as the under belly of the manly motorcycle world! I just feel foolish whenever I arrive with my goofy, bubbly, tiny little scooter.

I bet they all work out at Bally Total Fitness Ghetto Gym with me, too!

My Idea of Hell

A couple of my friends get on my case every once in a while because I don't like the Twins. It's really not that I don't like the Twins, I don't like any baseball teams, or anything relating to baseball, or any sports at all for that matter. I don't get what the big deal is. I never have, and I doubt I ever will.

"Come on, maybe you don't have to care about stats or scores or how they're doing this season," they'll say, "but you'd like going to a game. It's FUN," they say.

Well.

If I had any question in my mind as to whether or not I'm Twins Fan material, that's all be settled as of tonight.

TRY liking the Twins after you've been unexpectedly detoured, when you're less than five minutes away from your house, into downtown Minneapolis, near the Metrodome, when a Twins game is getting out. JUST TRY. Because it is impossible. I had to drive through crowds of ugly suburbanites wearing stupid jerseys (is that even what they're called when it's baseball?) that weren't paying crossing signals or oncoming cars any attention for thirty minutes.

That, my friends, is my idea of hell.

MJ-Not the Olsen Twat

Go look.

http://perezhilton.com/2008-07-28-just-dating

I just have to find a way to kill the sonofabitch.

Brazilian meh, he will have a Brazilian Colored, non-Brazilian by the end of the summer to deal with.

EH, Duluth was way fun. I will hopefully have some pictures of Duluth Does Fashion. I was unable to take any so they will be waited for by others.  

I totally freaked out at the end of the show though there were way to many Duluthians there and I didn't know a single person except for Mish and I had to remove myself for a bit. I was exhausted. I guess not eating all day and only drinking coffee is a bad idea. Plus sun and driving. w/e.

I got home last night and needed to unwind. Rachel and I had equally strange things happen to us this weekend involving other peoples families and travel. It happens. 

Kyle asked me when the wedding was today. He is simply impossible to deal with sometimes. And then there was just laughter on the other end of the phone. Blah. Seeing as I've met the family and visited Mish twice that calls for engagement announcements to be printed. There are no titles, and I don't see there being one either so there won't be a wedding. Sorry Kyle, you are going to have to wait to be a brides maid. 

Ok so now I'm going to spend $200 on a sewing machine and walk over to somewhere to meet up with Mish. Something will happen, errands or beach. Hopefully great amounts of summer fun. Frivality. I don't like instability. 

Ladybug.

There is a ladybug resting on the top of my laptop! It is so cute.



I finally got SoulSeek to work on my computer again by adjusting some settings, although it is still finicky... Listening to a lot of MGMT, Black Kids, Justice, CSS, etc. VERY NICE TO HAVE NEW MUSIC. And yes, the capitalization was necessary, because having no radio, no method to download music, and no money to buy the hard copy... Well, I was stuck in a rut, and it was getting rather annoying.



Got the new David Sedaris book, "When You Are Engulfed in Flames." Fantastic, claro que si. What can I say, same as every other book he's written, and that means GREAT.



I got a blank fortune cookie, and a butterfly flew into my room.



It's time to say goodbye.

Devendra again

Devendra

I have just discovered amazingness. I want to crawl into the music and live there. Maybe a little bit because I want to live in India and have Natalie Portman as a princes. But really I want to live in the music, it feels like it gets inside. Perfect for right now. What I'm feeling. Which I don't even know how to describe.

I finished my ceramics class for the summer and will miss dearly getting up at 8:15(sometimes 9:00) am every monday and wednesday to go to ceramics. The people for the most part were fantastic, John and Kari made my life a little brighter and higher at times. The others and they will forever know who they are. Will just be consumed by their stupidity and never bother me again... I hope... I have weird karmic things happen to me so they will forever haunt me. I was soooo fucking happy about a sculpture that I made in this class. Soo happy indeed that I spent a ridiculous amount of hours in tired hot heat that were all worth it to finish. A thing that I am quite proud of and will have displayed in my home one day. Only after it is displayed in the school showcases for a while. I can't believe it, I feel accomplished that a piece that I, I made will be on constant watch of others. My Art being seen, simply fantastic. 

The day has seemed to be full of starts and stops, going on its 16th hour now. My eyes are getting just a bit heavy and with that as usual I feel a bit meloncholic. I can't help it, its the time of day I'm at my weakest and feel as though I could just crumple and sleep right here in my little chair at my little table in my little cafe. I won't I will continue for a while longer and feel accomplished once more in the day, the day that is forever. I can't imagine it will go much farther.

I am grateful of all of the things that I have been lucky enough to be aware of. My friends(family) which they really are. They create a little piece of me that only they will have in my history. I think we all have our moments at which our wits are ending and we simply cant be one another's friend any longer. Those moments pass and the ones that make me smile and feel like the world is ok are the ones I am going to remember. I realize this is extremely sentimental but what do you do with a sentimental heart. I don't do this enough or at least when I do it, it feels like I'm still missing something.  Maybe not, I might want to miss something...

Oh! And...

I found some writing I had done, journaling sort of, that was saved on my computer from a year and a half ago or so. Kind of funny. Thought I'd share a little bit.

About a really strange day I had: "Example B: I head to my favorite coffee shop (which I happen to be sitting in right now). I plan to sit, have a cup of coffee, and read some Bukowski. Perhaps write a little, or draw a little. When I walk up, there is a bunch of fancy film equipment outside, and the main windows are blocked by big, black sheets. They must be filming inside.

I open the door, and enter into a whole lot of quiet. They’re still open for business, but the main seating area is now a film-set. A man in a chocolate-chip cookie suit is playing the guitar. I begrudgingly order my coffee for to go, and head back to Orono."

About my acid trip: "There is a chill in the air today, and a misty rain blanketing the city of Minneapolis. The greens stand out like silver in the sun, but they seem so natural and thick, earthy, the greens today feel like rolling in thick, black, earthy, dirt-mud. Even the very artificial welcome mat of my ex-boyfriend’s apartment building, saturated with water, feels like rolling in thick, black, earthy, dirt-mud. I take off my pointy black flats and feel the gritty texture of the mat, wet and sandy on my bare feet, and the feeling is wondrous. I feel as if I am in Seattle.

From up on my perch, my throne, the top step leading to his apartment building, I can observe the world. The grass, Chinese and greeny-red, is rolling out of the street, and the ghosts of the houses across the street are setting down to tea, all high, buttoned neck-lines, ribbons, and hats. They came from an era even before these houses, I am sure, yet their gentle spirits inhabit the houses 3602-3606 Grand Avenue S. A woman walks down the sidewalk, headed towards the bus stop. Her beautifully blue umbrella is a little flat, and as she trods down the sidewalk, I sense the sadness radiating from her. She has probably never been happy in her whole life, and echoes from a time very distant from now, a time when dinosaurs roamed the earth. And Karl, Karl too is old. Glasses and green plaid, he stands out and glitters like the trees, the houses, the grass on the street and on the lawns, and the mat. He has aged so much this afternoon."

About how much more I appreciated getting a pack of cigarettes when I was underage: "After they had purchased the cigarettes, they would come back out to the car and climb in. We would hastily tear the cellophane wrapper from the pack, open it up, tear out the front flap of foil, pull out a beautiful, fresh cigarettes, roll down the windows (even in the middle of winter in Minnesota, we needed our nicotine), and light the cigarette. We would slowly inhale the first drag, and after that, our passion and enthusiasm waned. We carelessly smoked after that first drag of the pack, forgetting that were even smoking."

The rest was actually really depressing and/or too personal for the internet, so I won't post, but I completely forgot that I actually used to write and think about my life. Hm.

Carrot Peels

I dyed my hair today, an attempt to bleach. Eh. Of course, it didn't really work out... The majority of my hair turned a gingery reddish-blonde, which I like, but my roots, which are naturally light blonde, turned platinum fucking blonde, and now it looks all crazy, so I'm going to wake up at 4:30 AM and dye my hair auburn before work tomorrow.

I really should just stick with black. I always regret anything else. I've never regretted black. Well, except for when I was 14, and my hair was long and gothy, and I looked stupid. But that's only in retrospect; I'm sure I thought I looked damn good at the time.

Boxer shorts and Tea Parties

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Teardrops.

I've never really understood why I haven't listened to Massive Attack more often. It always sounds so good, whether I smell like I've stepped out of an idaho potato or if I am sick with the krupe (i've never had it, but I would imagine that if I had the krupe that Massive Attack would get me through!).

I feel like a big douche by the way. I just called Chelsea 80 hundred million times because I was sure that she didn't work in the night time. And then I was like, "Well maybe she is at work, so I should call her and ask her about plans tonight". I completely forgot that she was in a meeting! And I probably made her stick out like a sore thumb. Sorry, Choice!

Anyway, I am the lucky girl who doesn't have to work in the morning tomorrow. Tonight will consist of dancing the fucking night away. What a queen I'll be!

Ok so I have to work in 13 minutes and I thought now would as good a time as any to post.

Why of course I was late once today and thought maybe I could make it double or nothing,..

I haven't done anything slightly as interesting as the ladies and wether or not that matters I care not. Yesterday was possibly one of the best most relaxing days I've had in a while. The only thing I had to do was taken care of by 11:30 am and after that the beach and other sunny side up activities consumed my day. While nursing the slightest of hangover headaches the sun soaked up every ounce of energy I had. But when you don't need any its quite a good feeling.

Ok 10 minutes and by the time I escalate up the stairs and get situated I'll possibly be on time. 

Fake Plastic Knees

Is it just me, or is anyone else extremely annoyed by the prevalence of plastic surgery articles in fashion magazines? What a waste of paper. I read every other article in Vogue, Elle, etc., but when I get to the fucking plastic surgery article(s), which is in EVERY issue, I skip straight over it. Today I was reading the August issue of Vogue (with Kate Moss on the cover - yes.) and actually read one of the THREE articles on that shit, and all it did was make me disgusted, sad, and scared of getting older, although, I think it'll be nice when my top lip starts to disintigrate. The article said that your bottom lip is supposed to be one and a half to two times larger than your upper, but I don't think mine is; My upper lip is just a little tiny bit smaller than my lower.

See? I told you all I was disproportionate.

Oh, and by the by, Gwyneth Paltrow is looking old.

Ufda.

Tonight was a semi-dramatic time. I ventured over to Michael's house after my Pizza Luce gathering with the high school crew (be sure to check missed connections for my mean post about the counterperson). Before I went over there, I gave Michael a phone call. You know it's always a good sign when you ask to come over and the other person responds with "I guess". It's similar to being punched in the gut with spikes or being shot in the eye with a bebe gun (I'm sure of it). Despite all of this, I went over to see him anyway. But I went over there with the intention of completely ending everything. No friendship. No fucking. No dating. No nothing. I had already come to terms with what was Michael and I. It was something wonderful before that it will never be now or again.

It would have been easy to just send everything that I had on my mind in an email. But I figured he was worth something to me before everything got fucked up. He woo'ed me in such a way, and he seemed to be someone who would go down in my book as "one of Ally's great loves". So I gave him the benefit of a face-to-face confrontation. I needed to be blunt with him about all of the times that he made me feel like shit. I also needed to tell him that toying with my emotions was a no-go. Riding at the tip of my tongue was the fact that he did everything so wrong in such a fashion that it made me not want to be his friend! But life isn't as simple as blurting out things that aren't easy to talk about. So I waited.

He kept talking at me about a new shirt that he bought. "Hey Ally, do you want to see my new shirt that I bought?" he said. "No, not really," I replied. I began to give up listening to what he had to say. I knew I was screwed when the Charlie Rose show came on with Neil Young because we had to sit through that entire thing before I could confront him. I was hoping for a commercial break, but no! Not a god damn one. After it was over, I hesitated again to confront him with everything I was feeling. Finally, it was like a big explosion when I told him. I was a bubble waiting to burst, and I knew he could feel it coming on. I finally came out with it. I told him exactly what I felt. I told him many things.

I concluded the night with leaving and saying, "I hope you know that this is the last time that I want to see you. We aren't friends". Let me tell you, that felt really great! I left on my scooter feeling liberated from a situation that was obviously weighing me down. I believe that when I was dating Kyle Drake that he gave me a wrinkle between my eyes because I had to glare and squint so much while dating him. Michael probably didn't help this at all, and now I look like a scary old woman! I am so glad that I removed myself from the situation.

He text messaged me, but I didn't respond. I won't give him that.

My brain is fried.

I've been working a lot (50+ hours this week) so forgive me if this is completely uninteresting and incoherent.

I figure I should post something before Wes and Ally out-blog me into oblivion, but I'm not really sure what to say. Lately I haven't been doing much, just working, eating, reading fashion blogs and magazines and then going to bed.

I suppose one of the better things I've realized lately is that I really do like taking the city bus, as something interesting always happens. A giant junebug crawled out of my collar and I flipped shit in public (which is always embarrassing) and then a big scary man with silver teeth gleefully squashed the bug in a discarded variety section of the Star Tribune, making sure everyone in the back of the bus got to see the battered corpse. That was actually scarier than the actual junebug.

I especially like riding the 18 down Nicollet Mall on my way to Rainbow, as it's around the time when everyone is getting off work, so there's a lot of people watching to do. I saw some really great ensembles on some of these working women. A straw sunhat with a thick black bow is now at the top of my wardrobe wishlist, I think it'll go great with my new swimsuit.

That is, if I ever get time to a) shop ever again or b) go to the beach again this summer.

My friend Andii got on the Minneapoline! Go check her out.

Oh and Ally

I just got a boner from zach and the other guy. I forgot his name. woops. 

anyway boner.

I'm looking for a job, and still a sewing machine. 

I told my mother about wanting to get one.

The job she said I needed a good, high paying one and the sewing machine, "do you really think that would be a good investment for you?"

I love how every time my mother hears about any artistic adventure I intend on embarking on she asks me wether its worth the time and money. It makes me sad to think that she and my father may not fully support anything I do. Or they are just looking out for my fragile financial status. either way, its depressing. But hey when I can make my own clothes and learn to sew better it will definitely be worth the time and money.

I got to hang out with both my girls the other day which was nice, we hadn't been all three in the same room for what seemed like a few weeks. Summer is really taking us out of our element and putting thoughts into each of our slightly off kilter brains. I have much enjoyed of summer what its been so far. Its raining today which makes it hard to want to do much of anything, especially walk around town and find a new job. Its funny how if you are put into a situation in which the clothes and the people buying them do not fit into what you think of as fashionable or interesting it makes you detest whole heartedly where you work and what you do. This precisely is how I feel about working at Express. it was a job because. I needed it so badly and unfortunately in the dead of winter the only place seemingly that was hiring. 

and fuck I just realized that i forgot my address book and now am unable to fill out applications. sad. Rain go away. eat my shorts bitch.

This photo however made me ridiculously happy looking at just now. I'm quite glad now having met boy in photo. I think things ended up for the better in the situation of the incestuous community in minneapolis. I much more like him than other people we both know. 

Duluth, not a bad place to be.

Saved by the Ally Dahlberg.

So I know that Perez Hilton had already made his postings with this picture included, but just in case you end up reading our blog more than Perez's, here you go!

Enjoy them in their prime.

I thought I would take this time to say that I have another blog.

dirtunderfingernails.blogspot.com

menage et trois.

This is us.

In our entirety.

Its all you get

Ok, we didn't do wal-tart.

We watched Batman Begins instead and now I want to build an Imax theater in my storage room to watch the new one. If only to ogall at now deceased hot men and still living hot men and Maggie Gylanhal.

Ok so buying a sewing machine not as easy as one would thought. I need one, and a camera.

My body will do nicely in the streets I think i could get like $500 a night. meh 6.

Fuck

I want a pet Dinosaur. Preferably like a flying one.

I definitely think that the rest of the summer will be quite fun. Hopefully full of boys and girls alike. Well three girls and one boy. like a great pornographic novel. 

I might be traveling to Duluth again. Scary I know, but there are great people and cookies there.

Day Une: Fucking WalMart, how the fuck to spell that?

Ally and Wes are doing an art run, night thing. 

We might take pictures, if we are naked. 

Yup, oh and food. Cuz we don't eat real people like.